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☆::♡*~usami yoko~*☆::♡ (^O^)~ ♡ CHU!
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| mhmm... |
[22 Oct 2005|12:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gackt - Noesis |
] |
I've noticed recently that my hope and faith in others dwindled drastically over the years. I have become so jaded by others that now I find myself not even finching when I hear people sob about their problems to me on the everyday bases.
I don't know whether to trust others or to not to even try.
I seen alot of old friends in my new school, old friends who caused many of my troubles in the past. It's funny how people change over the years.
They forget all the horrible shit they do to you just to fake a *smile* towards you.
Oh well...people are fake.
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| Shiki no Uta |
[22 Feb 2005|12:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
MINMI - shiki no uta |
] |
Yeah, I am sorta back...
I am still at greatestjournal though, but I am here to reclaim this journal.
Besides, sometimes I just need a break away from the folks I know. Some place to write my real thoughts with no fear of being judged by the people I know there. That is why I am here...
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| news |
[10 Oct 2003|07:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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gackt - vanilla |
] |
Hey guys, I have some news for ya'll.
I don't know why I didn't say anything earlier but here it goes.
Veggie-chan made a journal for me on Greatestjournal.com
I advise ALOT of you to take advantage of the free service there. You can like, post up a million user pictures and customize your journal however you want.
My new journal can be found here... http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/chibiandor
I am going to try and update there a lil more. It's so freakin cool!
I hope to see you all there!
Also, I have a very important History test today, so wish me luck. I forgot to study last night but I have until 5 period to knock american history into my brain. *Tries to get the Japanese stuff out* Oii!!!
And oh yeah, Square-Enix has FINALLY decided to remake the graphics of world famous Final Fantasy 7 but its not a game. Its a bloody movie.
I bet its gonna rock...mhmm...Sephiroth...Cloud...hmm...
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| tsuki atte kureru - will you go out with me? |
[08 Oct 2003|09:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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ayumi hamasaki - connected |
] |
I wonder what's its like to date...
Is it as good as it sounds or is it really misery and despair no mater how good it starts off. I wonder...no guy seem to like and most boys I know are so immature its not even funny. I know I am not ugly, and I know I am no slut like those other girls, but why do guys don't like me? Are they really that superficial and only after girls for sex, money and more sex?
I guess guys apperciate whores more then they like nice girls like me.
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| I hate teenage boys |
[08 Oct 2003|07:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
When I was at Chinatown, some morons *teenage boys* where talking about hentai and all the other nasties that anime porn can do. Me being a yaoi fan, I sorta took offense when they said "All gay men need to be gased like in the Holocaust" but I shook that shit off. But when the younger jackass was talking about "Ohh, hentai is good for the soul." One of the other ones, turned to me and said "Shut up (insert dumbass name here), your scarin' the old lady."
OLD?! WHEN THE FUCK IS BEIN G A CLASSY 17 YEAR OLD IS CONSIDERED OLD?
If I could, I would have murder these latino stereotypes with a big as katana and they all would have fuckin died.
Grrr...
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| Beneath the Trees |
[07 Oct 2003|08:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Ayumi Hamasaki - Connected |
] |
Remember the story I posted awhile back?
The one about some person's mussings about his or her idol named Kimpatsu who lived in a very boring and bland town? Well here is the rest of it!
Tell me whatcha think about it? Please? (^0^)=b! I hope you all like it!
Beneath the Trees
Chapter One
Real Time
Although the day was beautiful and filled with the vivid colors of crimson and orange, Alex did not appreciate the glory of the sun's lovely rays. Instead, she frowned as she awakens from her deep slumber. She grumbled faintly under her breath for she knew this would not be the Tuesday for her to relax. Doomed with the burden of school, Alex slowly trudged her weary feet toward the bathroom so she could take a quick shower. She rolled her eyes as she looked at herself in the mirror. Alex was not fond of the reflection of her in the mirror. At fact, she hated the look of her pale face. She found herself too repulsive and hideous just like a primate. Even though she had such negative thoughts about her appearance, others did not view this young woman as a horrific creature. In fact, most found her short red hair and her deep emerald eyes inviting and lovely. Most people thought of her pale skin as a sign of innocence for her flesh looked so milky and fresh. But still, Alex found her hideous in her own eyes. No matter how many times her mother and father would tell her otherwise, Alex hated herself deeply. Not happy in the way her life turned out, Alex hates herself deeply for not being as pretty as her older sister. She was insanely jealous of her sister's long auburn locks and her stunning hazel eyes. In fact, if she could…she would murder her own sister for such movie style looks.
As the warm water flowed on to the tiled flowers of the shower, Alex washed away the sins of self-hatred away and just focused on the day ahead of her. She used the shampoo in her short hair and washed away the worries of the world from her scalp. The teen truly enjoyed the smell of the lilac laced shampoo. She felt beautiful every time she used it on her scarlet hair.
Once she was out of the shower, Alex hastily put on her clothes and quickly ran down the stairs for a quick breakfast. Only dressed in a simple t-shirt and a pair of black and very baggy jeans, she sat down at the table where her father was. As usual, her stern and sometimes cruel father had his nose deep within the newspaper as he read up about the daily stock exchange.
As usual, there was no conversation between the two for neither one was willing enough to greet each other. Alex simply sat there in silence as she nibbled on some French toast that her mother made for her before she came down. Just as she washed down the toast with a glass of orange juice, her dreaded sister came downstairs with a cocky smile plastered on her pretty face. Alex simply rolled eyes as she glanced over her sister. Unfortunate for her, her sister was staying here was mom and dad until she could move in with her fiancé Robert. That meant sheer torture for Alex for her sister Sondra could run her mouth off like a parrot that just learned a new word.
Not willing to listen to the annoying, high-pitched voice of her sister, Alex quickly made a break out the kitchen and out the door. She decided it was the best time to leave for school before her sister would gossip on how wonderful her life was and how handsome Robert was. Being that Alex hated her sister deeply, she also hated the fact she was getting married too such a handsome man who had an income larger than a movie star.
As usual…her sister got all the damn luck…
Journal Entry: 001
Modified: Mon 8/18/2003 10:45 PM
Heading: “My Life, My Friend and the Child”
As the brilliant bright colors of orange and red covered the morning sky, I had to cringe for another horrible week was about to begin. If I only knew if all this weird shit was going to happen to be this week, I would have slept past 6:30 am and roll over to comfort my pillow. But since I didn't follow my instincts, I am up and atom for another horrible day and gruesome day. God, I hate school...
But in any case, I did the usual stuff. I washed my ass in the shower, got my school clothes that consisted of baggy gray jeans and a short white tank top. I ate breakfast if course. Mother and Father where silent as usual as they sipped their coffee. As for my sister, she was as annoying as ever. That damned bimbo never shuts up about her fantastic job, her fantastic fiancé, and her fantastic life. As you can guess, my sister is older than me. She is like 25 years old and still acts like a spoiled bitch. Sometimes I wish I could just strangle her just so she can shut the fuck up!
Anyways, I left the house just as 7:30 rolled on in. I had to get to school before 8:20 or else the principal will have a fucking field day on my ass. My professor was sneering at me as usual as I entered the class five minutes too late. I took the long route to school by accident. I wanted to see if my pal Kim was up this morning. Kim was the only person I talked to in this town. He was the coolest dude I ever met in my life and not to mention the wisest. Kim is younger than my sister by at least two years but he is much more mature than she could ever be. He had platinum blonde hair that came up to his shoulders, light stubble, high cheekbones and a chiseled body of "Greek god". That is what all the girls say about him. Kim is not really his real name, though. To be truthful, I still have no idea how to pronounce his real name. All I know Kim is short for Kimpatsu, a Japanese word that means "Blonde". I guess he earned that nickname due to his hair.
Most of the people in this town where so bland but not Kim, he is the exact opposite from bland. He is confidant, loud mouthed, cheerful and takes no shit from anyone. His style and his appearance is what set him apart from most of the people here. Kim is daring and never holds back on anything. Too say the least, he is proud of who he is.
I guess you can say that Kim is sorta like my hero.
I love the guy way more than I love my sister. He is like the older brother I never had and a best friend wrapped all in one. Yeah, I love this guy. Sometimes he is the only reason why I wake up in the morning. Just to see him with that cigarette in his mouth as he worked hard to open his bakery during the sunrise.
So as I took the shortcut to Kim's place, a grin appeared on my face when I heard faint string of curses come from the end of the alley way. Yep, my buddy was up and cursing at those annoying alley cats that are hell-bent in going through the trash he put out of his shop. I walked up too him slowly just eyeing him as he batted one measly cat with a broom. He looked rather tried today, as if he didn't get enough sleep this past night. His bright hazel eyes caught a quick glimpse of me when he turned his head. His sour expression turned into the cheerful smile I was so used too. His blonde hair was unkempt as always and was sticking up at every which a way.
Kim gave me a quick high five as we greeted each other. His tanned skin of his hand greatly contrasted against my own pale one, another reason why Kim stand out so well in this town. For a Japanese dude, he was very dark skinned. His skin is almost darker than those ganguro girls I hear so much about who inhabit the Shibuya district in Tokyo. Most ganguro girls are just stuck up bimbos who wear saucy and outrageous clothing that always consisted of a shorter than legal mini skirt, bright colored shirts and white platform boots that made them damn near 3 feet taller. Even though most girls in this town weren’t in to that kind of a fashion, you would see a blonde haired ganguro here and there.
"Yo, was sup kid?" Kim said a usual upbeat manner.
Of course school was a real drag as usual. After seeing Kim, I went to school only to receive a very dirty look for being late yet again. My teacher was about to have a cow for this was the third time this week I was late for class. I know I should be more concern about my lateness but I truly don't care. I just don't care about school like I used too when I was a kid. When you are younger, parents make it a big deal for you to come to school everyday and never be late. They tell you that school is the most important thing on earth. That education is the only way you can ever succeed in the word we live in. But once you get older and become wiser, the ideals about education and school that your parents installed into your head...slowly fads away into a faint memory. You begin to realize, mostly everything you ever learn is nothing but lies. Education is not the key to our society. The key to having a decent life is money and only money. Anyone who has money is always looked upon as powerful and holds the key to there’re own destiny. Sure, money may not buy you love...but it comes pretty damn close to doing that. With having a few dollars in your pockets, you can be guarantee a somewhat happy existence. This is only what I feel about things, I could be dead wrong. But who cares about what I think anyways?
In any case, the day was slow as hell. It was just a typical school day, nothing exciting and nothing too boring. Like any other day, I listened to the tedious lecture of our teacher over and over again about useless information we may never use in our entire lives. I cleaned the chalkboards after school since it was my turn to do so. Yeah, sometimes I help around the classroom in hopes of getting on my teacher's good side. It really doesn't matter what grades you get in school. You could be a straight A student with an I.Q over 100% and still fail cause you have either a nasty attitude or the teacher just doesn't like you. My school is not really focused on education; it’s more like a popularity contest. If the students and teachers really like you here, it’s a smooth ride for you. Yet if you’re unfortunate enough to be an outcast, you’re not only to like it here.
After school, I took the long route home. I didn’t feel like rushing to get home today, so I put my foot to the road and wandered around for a while. Of course I was going to see Kim, but later on. I knew that around 3 to 4, he was pretty busy in the bakery. Since I didn’t feel like heading home anytime soon, I just wandered around town, just admiring the cool breeze as it rolled on by. As I walked around without a clue where to go, I stopped near the highway and just watched as the cars went driving on by. Nothing exciting ever happens in this town I live in. Just the usual boring shit that I go through everyday. I don’t have many friends here, and the only person I trust is a grown man who is just as lonely as I am. I guess that is why Kim and I get along so well. Cause we are both bored stiff and very lonesome. Kim and I are very alike despite our differences and age.
“The children who cry out in despair are truly crying for consideration.”
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard those faint words. I must not have been paying attention for a young boy was standing right behind me, just staring up at me with those ruby red eyes. When I turned around fully to greet him, his appearance took me by surprise. This little boy was truly a beauty, a cute creature with wide eyes, small nose and motionless lips. I didn’t say anything for a while as I just observed him in wonder. The child that stood before me, looked like something out of a beautifully written fairy tale. Never have I seen such a color of crimson as deep as the eyes this boy possessed. He was very pale, paler than I ever could be. He almost looked almost sickly too me for I never seen such pale skin that could rival triteness of snow. Despite his flavorless skin, he had gorgeous golden hair that flowed past his shoulders like a cape of brilliant silk. This child wore lengthy white robes that poured all the way down to his hidden feet. His eyes narrowed slightly as he regarded my expression. He must have become a bit annoyed by my silence for he lowered his head and turned his eyes away from me. As if his appearance was not shocking enough to me, I realized he was no normal little kid.
“For the loved ones they hold dear, pay no heed to the tears they shed.”
It took me awhile to regain my voice but after a moment of uncomfortable silence, I finally spoke to the child who whispered riddles to my ear.
“Who are you?” That was all I could think of to say. I really didn’t expect an answer from this mysterious boy, but I did hope he would answer my question. I was curious to know who the hell he was and why he was talking to me. I never seen anyone like him before and I found it creepy that he just literally popped out of nowhere.
But I should have known that I was not going to receive an answer from this child. He just stared right into my soul with those dead crimson eyes. The boy watched me with an unwavering glare. As he stared into my eyes, I felt a cold chill overcome my spine as if someone walked over my grave. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and wrapped my arms around myself. I still do not know why I felt so cold all of a sudden. Perhaps it was the coldness from those crimson eyes that chilled my warm body.
When I did open my eyes, the boy that stood before me was gone. He vanished in broad daylight like a ghost at midnight. I was terrified and yet confused for my question was still not answered. Who was he? What did he mean by those riddles? Am I going crazy? Was he even truly there? I wonder…perhaps the boy was just a figment of my overactive imagination, but for so reason…I know it not to be so.
Later on that evening, I went home around 5 pm...I totally forgot about seeing Kim today. After the entire encounter with that mysterious child today, I was in no mood to see my dear friend. I guess I would call him before I get some sleep...or just see him tomorrow. When I did get home, I didn't even bother to eat dinner downstairs with Dad and Mom. I really just wanted to be left alone. I wanted solace so I can try to think clearly.
Real Time
“Ugh….” There was a faint groan from the bed as Alex awoken from the harsh beeping of her not so loveable alarm clock. It ringed wildly as it tried its best to get the sleepy girl out of bed. It was time for her to get ready for school just like any other morning. Alex mumbled faintly as she reached for the clock and quickly slammed the poor device down on the floor. After winning her war with the bastard clock, she got up from her bed and walked toward the bathroom for a quick shower. As usual she used her favorite shampoo and washed her short hair out, over and over again until the scent of lilac was bathed all over her naked flesh. She got out of the shower after a few minutes rolled on by and dried herself quickly with the towel before brushing her teeth.
Once she was done, it was time for her to hunt down an outfit she could wear. As usual, she picked a pair of jeans and a simple crimson t-shirt that matched the same color as her fiery hair. She put on a pair of beat up white and black sneakers on then headed downstairs for the normal breakfast. Once she did get downstairs, she was shocked to see that no one was there. Her father must have gone to work early for he was not sitting there as usual staring into his favorite newspaper. Finding it was a bit odd that even mom seemed to be gone and there was no food on the table, Alex decided on Cheerios for breakfast.
Once she finished drinking the last bit of cold milk from the bowl, Alex made her way out the door without the slightest hesitation with her school bag in tow. She had a funny feeling that today was not going to be a good one at all. For some reason…she could predict that today was going to be beyond normal.
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| I love pink |
[06 Oct 2003|11:36pm] |
Pink! Your eyes are pink! You're probably really
cute, and you like men a lot! To you, they're
mere toys and it's fun to play with them! You
probably enjoy painting your nails in bright
colors, too!
What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
I love the color pink...
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| Shame |
[06 Oct 2003|11:23pm] |
My only shame is...
That I do not have enough love to give
I am embrassassed by my childish actions
Embrassassed by my appearance
And embrassassed by my blacken heart
For I no longer have the will to stand alone
Against all the odds placed in my path
By you and countless of others
Who stop me from breathing, day by day
My only shame is...
Not making my myself proud of the skin that I am in
And not making my mother proud for having such an ugly daughter
If I could turn back the clock, I would stop my birth
I would destory the essence of July 7th and never be borned into my misery which is life.
If only I could not feel ashamed by who I am and what I will become.
My only shame is...
Being born
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| がけん - self mind |
[06 Oct 2003|05:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
She came home today, just what I hoped.
I am pretty pissed off at Christine but I am happy she is alive.
I just realized what a selfish person she is. I don't think she even cares that she made me and her mother worry like that. She isn't telling me much what happened, but I am glad she is alive and well.
*Sigh*
I hope she doesn't do this again... (-_-#) I am so angry at her...
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| and so life goes on |
[06 Oct 2003|12:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
utada hikaru-::~ *sakura drops*~:: |
] |
I'm not even worried any more. I felt sorta free this morning when I woke up. As if I had no more worries despite all the problems at hand. I just feel...calm today. I haven't felt this serene in years...
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| hoping... |
[05 Oct 2003|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ayumi hamasaki - endless sorrow |
] |
Maybe we wasn't as close as I hoped...maybe what she said was lies to me anyways.
I dunno want to say...I couldn't bare to call Christine's mother today, and I continued my false mask today. Trying to be cheerful and just forget about Chrissy for now.
But I can't...I am still so worried about her. I am so worried for her that it hurts my heart to even think about it. I just know something bad had happened...I am praying that nothing did though. But I have a nagging senation in my soul that tells me otherwise.
Maybe I am just driving myself insane thinking about it...I didn't cry any tears in my room but I am crying inside.
Why is Chrissy so selfish? Doesn't she know that this world is so cruel and unforgiving? How can she be so blind...after all she went through...I dunno.
I just have no reply...
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| I still don't know where she is. |
[05 Oct 2003|12:00pm] |
|
I called Chrissy's mom and she hasn't heard a word from her. I dunno want to say to her. I spoke with her last night...but still...I dunno want to say. She sounded so brokenhearted on the phone. I can't believe this...how can Christine be so damn selfish to walk off into the sunset and leave her mother pondering if she is dead or alive? This world is not safe...what made Chrissy think she is invincible and that everything is ALWAYS going to be okay? God...just please bring her home soon...
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| No word... |
[04 Oct 2003|07:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
She actually left, Christine actually left from New York.
Yesterday, I talked to my pal Christine on the phone. She told me earlier this week that she was going to meet some boy named Xander on Friday. She met this guy on the net first so she was kinda nervous about meeting him in real life. So, I just told her to becareful and have a fun time. I didn't think it was such a big deal for I met someone off the net as well. His name is Edward and boy...was I lucky.
I am glad my mom didn't find out but I am more glad I am safe from doing something so reckless.
Christine told me at first that Xander was 17 years old like we are but...then she tells me the truth on Friday that he is like in his 20s...he is in his 20s and has a house all to himself and works. I was like..."This is bad..." Now she told me before that this guy lived in New York but it turns out he lives in Connitecut...far away from the City, mind you.
So that is when I sorta freaked out. Chrissy brought bus tickets to go ALLL the way to Connitecut and she didnt want me to tell either of our parents since our moms are good pals!
I...I really have no idea what to say about this...but..I hope she is okay...
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| I found this in Veggie's journal ^^ |
[03 Oct 2003|06:42am] |
You should be dating a Scorpio.
23 October - 21 November
Your mate is passionately caring, dynamic and
sensual. Though he or she can be self-
destructive, ruthless or overbearing, the
scorpion's sex life involves releasing his/her
most pent-up passions.
What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla
Um? I doubt its true..LOL. I don't see myself dating anytime soon. After seeing the hell Frankie but Carrie through, and the crap Nia went through with Walley...I dont think so.
But then again, Jade and Carlos makes a beautiful couple. ^^ Hehehe, two lil goth people. Carlos joined the whole vampire family stuff. He has a lip ring and is getting custom made fangs now. He says he is going to one of the Vamp Parties next week I think...
^^ Hopes him and Jade has fun. ^___^
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| oii |
[03 Oct 2003|06:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
utada hikaru- distance |
] |
My cold came back yesterday full force when I went to school. God, I felt like shit all day yesterday. I didn't feel well at all and the sad thing is, when I passed out on my bed after school, I should have been studying for my test in Trignometry. Now I know I'm gonna fail miserably. Oh well, when you are sick, you can't function right. But anyways, I feel better today and HOPEFULLY I don't catch another cold from my classmates. One of my pals is pretty sick as well.
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| sickness and school |
[30 Sep 2003|08:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tokyo ska paradise- Rendezvous Space! |
] |
I can not take it anymore. The school makes me sick and the sand thing I am already very ill. I should be resting rather than typing here...but I haven't updated in awhile cause life has been so damn busy. God, am I tired.
I need to rest...lucky for me, I have no gym tomorrow. No more carrying two damn bags to school until Thursday. I can not wait for the report cards to come out in October so I can get credits from ALL of my classes. I haven't been absent once for school damn it! There is no way I can fail...
Anyways...I made a new pic...wanna see?
Nice neh...*cough* *hack* *dies*
I swear I am dying now...
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| tabou kin'youbi - busy friday - おはなしちゅう きんようび |
[26 Sep 2003|06:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tokyo ska paradise orchestra - ocean to ocean |
] |
ITS FRIDAY! YAY! NO MORE SCHOOL UNTIL MONDAY! I am very sore from gym and too tired for any bull. I hope today goes very swell for me. Hehheeh, well...I better get dressed. :) Time to go!
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| Pretenious Little Snot |
[25 Sep 2003|05:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
evanscence - going under |
] |
That little pretenious snot, Madeline didn't win a good grade from me today. After school she whined me and Eric into coming with her to 42 Street so we could \meet her two older sisters who work at Toy R Us there. When we got there, her sisters where not even on the job and we basically went around 42 street looking at all the sites and stuff.
All a sudden, we go to Virgin Megastorer and the lil snot totally ditches me and Eric there. Since Eric never CAME to Times Square before (he is new to this country), I had to basically take him home. Now if I would have went with my premotion that Madeline would have *LEFT* us there and if I decided to go right home after school, poor Eric would have been LOST within Time SZquare!
Geez, Madeline is a bit childish man...very childish girl.
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| oh my god -- what a great day! |
[23 Sep 2003|08:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ayumi hamasaki - [rainbow]- real me |
] |
Today was slow at first due to all the rain and all, but later on I had tons of fun. After 7th period lunch, I went to my last class and saw Madeline as usual. Well, we went to a corner after school and that is where I saw Carrie and Frankie at. I just so ignored them and Madeline was like "Let's go say HI to those losers" and all that. I don't even want to notice their existance, so yeah. I just ignored them as usual. They are worth shit to me for all I care. Them and their loser friends.
Later on after I said by to Madeline, I hopped the train to meet my net friend in Chinatown/ It was the first time we ever saw each other and I knew how he looked before I saw him. He is no 56 year old rapist or nothin, he is a kid with alot of spunk and very funny. When we traveled in Chinatown, it was like we where talking on the phone again like old times.
In all, I had a good day.
Oh yeah, Atom's (Seriinterga's) retainers make funny nosies when he speak...I so gotta call him! ^__^
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chibiandor's journal
